Subject: How to fly
“The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.” These are the very wise words of Douglas Adam who came up with a very interesting and, so to speck, very accurate way to how to fly. Now there are many different types of flying, both real and meteorically, such as for instance;
1. Mentally (For example, under the influence of drugs or in dreams)
2. Through achievements (‘flying through business’ ‘High flying results’ which can mean you are doing something doing very well, very fast or very easily)
3. And then, of course, actually flying. Lifting off the ground, defying gravity and souring off into the sky. This, is the type of flying I am going to discuses for the other two are so far reachable to humans.
Human can only achieve flying through the help of technology like airplanes, hot air balloons and paragliding. We lack the capability like birds do leave the ground without the help of metal boxes or wicker baskets. But with the right science and availability it is possible to achieve this, theoretically.
Step one, throw yourself at the ground.
Luckily this step is made very easy by the invention of gravity. Well I would say this step is easy but mostly only on your first attempt, for when you have failed to achieve flying and smacked your face very hard into some sort of pavement you tend to not want to try it again. But, all in all, the initial theory of this step is easy to come about and easy to achieve.
Step two, miss.
Now for all those people who have managed to not seriously injure themselves during the first process come onto the next step. This one, undoubtedly, causes many problems as to miss the floor when falling is increasingly hard and extremely improbable. So to achieve this second step you must miss the floor by accident.
Can you honestly say you have ever fallen over and not thought about how fast the ground happens to be coming towards you? It is human nature to put our hand out to stop our selves, or to try move into such a position that would break the least bones and so this makes the accidently missing the ground very hard. If you want to be able to fly then you must be able to get rid of that subconscious thought in your head the tries to protect you breaking yourself. Once this has happened you then need to work on distracting yourself.
If, while hurtling yourself at the floor, you are suddenly distracted by, say, a poster of the new harry potter movie, your house being robbed or with cat next door getting hit by a bus, will begin to hover. This is classed as flying.
Step three, remain flying
The trick to remain flying is to not think about it and let what ever happens happen. Your first attempt at flying will fail epically because as soon as you realize you are flying you will start to think about it, get excited, and come crashing back towards reality. If you manage to not think about it just remember you are as light as a feather, weightless, and because of this your thoughts need to also be weightless also. So lightly think ‘Oh, I think I would like to go to my grandmothers’ and you will start to bob lightly in the direction you wish to go. With a light heart do a back flip or a few swoops and dives and you shall be successfully flying.
And, for step three the most important think you need to know is DON’T WAVE. Do you know what happens when flying people wave? They go flying towards the person they have waved to at a very high speed and the outcome has never been good for either party.
Step four, landing.
When landing you need to remember you had a good run in life and not care too much about being permanently Brocken. Nobody really knows how to land when flying as out of the people who have ever managed to fly they have never really gotten round to landing on purpose. But the theory is just get as close to the ground as possible and think. This should do the trick and land you in a safe-ish manor.
Overall I have concluded that flying is a very tricky business and is to be taken to with the utmost thought. If you are not particularly inclined to want to try flying then I would suggest the metaphorical approach or just stick to metal boxes. Otherwise give it a go and I leave you with the words of Douglas Adams.
“The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
